Don't Just go to a Bar...DIVE Into it!

My friends make fun of me all the time...I am the hugest fan of dive bars. I love them! They always feel like home. No outfit is too dressed up or dressed down. And if they let you smoke inside, even better! I can come up with a bazillion reasons why I love dive bars, but I decided to incite you with my top 15!

15 Reasons I Will Choose a Dive Bar Over Any Classy Joint:

1. Drinks are always cheap: I hardly ever walk out with a tab more than 20 dollars, and that is including food!

2. Everybody knows everyone: It's like "Cheers."

3. There is that old drunk guy who comes in everyday, orders a Coors Light, and always has a story to tell...."When I was your age..."

4. The stray cats outside: It is just totally random

5. There is always a diverse group of people: In one night you will see the old, lonely guy sitting by himself drinking a Coors; the sorority girls taking shots of Washington Apples washing them down with a margarita; the older ladies who finally got away from their husbands for a "girl's night"; and the random drunk girl who "loves everyone," and is your new best friend because you gave her a cigarette...I can go on for days!

6. Did I mention drinks are cheap?

7. The bartender (once you are a regular) knows you by your drink, and first and last name!

8. "Regular" status means you don't have to put a credit card down for your tab.

9. The random "cover bands" that consist of men in their 60's who never moved on from the high school garage band stage.

10. Pool: Who doesn't love playing pool? Especially, if you make a bet that winner buys the next drink (must choose a very drunk opponent for this one), and cheat every time they turn their back (put the ball in the hole and tell them you made the shot). I did that once, and got two free beers out of it!

11. It's okay if you look like crap, I guarantee there is still going to be a guy that will hit on you: Despite this "guy" isn't going to be cute or have any potential; he is going to buy you a drink and call you beautiful, and come on, who doesn't love free beer and a complement?

12. Karaoke: Everyone sounds like a dying pigeon, the mike is never loud enough, and nobody really pays attention; yet, they all clap and say "you sounded sooooo good!"

13. The stray cats outside can handle their alcohol better than you can.

14. Peeing in the bush outside is okay as long as there aren't any cops watching.

15. Talking to yourself isn't considered "weird."

So, next time you want to knock on a dive bar, you can look back at my reasons for trying them out! However, before you do, I will only provide one warning: Don't go into a bar with a parking lot full of motorcycles - you are moving out of "dive" territory and walking into a biker bar. I made that mistake once, and almost got stabbed for it. It is a long story, maybe I will just save that for a later post!

But, "The Bear" must get her beauty rest now...

I Saved "Food 4 Less" for ONLY Two Dollars!

As I was leisurely waiting for my best friend, Panther, the other day at Starbucks, I was approached by a homeless man. Of course, I knew he was going to ask for money, so immediately I tried not to make eye contact. But, unfortunately, my "turn-away" look was caught by him. He told me he swears that he only wanted money to eat and if I wanted to I can go buy him the food if I don't believe him. But, I wasn't about to be caught dead with our clashing outfits in a McDonald's of all places; I mean "Micky D's" is a classy restaurant! And before I could even reach in my purse he said, "I am so hungry, I am about to rob a Food 4 Less." With a "who the heck says that?" look on my face I handed over two dollars and said, "Here you go, get yourself a tall can, oops, I mean a hamburger." I kept watching him and he didn't walk over to any restaurants to get food, he kept hustling the parking lot. I thought, man, this guy is about to get a better meal than me and I WORK for a living!

And to think, I thought I was saving a Food 4 Less with my measly two dollars. Instead, I contributed to a guy who probably has a higher paying salary than me. It really got me thinking...maybe being homeless might just be a promising career.


So, I came up with my predicted annual salary of the average beggar:

Average amount of people a homeless person begs per day for money: 45

Average amount of people who actually give the homeless person money: 25

Average amount of money given by each person: $1

Money made per day: $25

Money made per week: $175

Money made per month: $700

Total gross income per year: $8,400

So here is the true kicker, eight grand may not be much for a year's salary, but you really have to think about where their money is going to....

So, here is my break down of a homeless person's average weekly spending habits:

Housing: $0
Transportation: $0
Alcohol and cigarettes: $45
Food: $30
Other necessities: $10
Taxes: $0
Total money spent: $75
Cash left over (if not spent on recreational drugs): $100

Anyway, I swear I haven't started drinking wine (yet), but really if homeless people really wanted to they could save more than $1,200 per year. I bet the average American only saves about $300 annually! Well, that is just some food for thought....

Just when you think you are saving a Food 4 Less...there is so much more to the equation.

*Note: Numbers and facts in this post are entirely untrue. They are merely the really bad calculations made by The Bear.

Are you right for this blog?

You know those things you are afraid to tell people, because you think they will think you are weird? Well, no worries! I am here to say it for you, because frankly I have nothing better to do than drink wine and watch Lifetime. So, you are probably already asking yourself why you are even reading this, I got that covered...

10 Reasons to Read My Blog:

1. It's better than picking your nose.
2. It goes really well with wine (or beer, or liquor, or water, whatever is your preference).
3. It is safer than sex.
4. It tastes better than dirty laundry.
5. It's better than looking like a fool with your pants on the ground.
6. 86 percent of the people I know think I am AWESOME!
7. Your wish won't come true if you don't recommend this blog to 10 other people.
8. It doesn't cost you any calories.
9. It is cheaper than a movie.
10. And who doesn't like random?

Well, if any of those weren't convincing enough then I just don't know what to say. You probably have a life or something. Oh well.

Stay tuned for the ride ahead.